A thought to sell out

So, i thought i was gonna have to sell Herman! Ahhhh!!!! lol I'm not sure if offered the right price that i won't, but i washed him all up and took him for a drive yesterday. Every time I do i fall in love again. He's all cleaned up and back to his handsome self. I'm gonna start painting him FINALLY! Also, something weird i found out while scrubbing off some rust is that he wasn't white originally like i always thought. He could have been one of three colors. There is light blue, Rust orange, and then the white. i think he was Orange originally. That's what i'd like to take him back to. I'll find out monday if i get this job i want, if so, i'll be able to keep herman and continue to restore him. That is what i'd like to do. I found out that my negative ground wire is the main problem (and eight dollar fix) for starters. He needs a whole new wiring harness (300 dollars). But after that, he should be good for the long haul again.

   I had something else profound i was going to shear, but i've only had one cup of coffee this morning and lost my train of thought.

  I miss Glen and Amy, Mike and Lexi, and Smily's acoustic bar in Greenville. I'd also like to take him up and show him off to my friends in Nashville, Arron More, and Tony! You don't even know! Noodles, i'm wondering how your race life is going. I can't wait to see you and catch up. It looks like it will be a while though. I'm starting from zero again, but it all should work out fine if i get this job on Monday. I'm not saying what it is yet, but if i get it, my life would be awesome! Thanks for reading, and i'll let you all know (all being my two mystery readers i guess).

much love,
   Mallory Jen~

Happiness

Everything is temporary, there is no forever. Enjoy what you have now.

I feel like happiness is like a delusion for most of us. We are elated by what we see in front of us, without knowledge of what is on the other side of that moment. It's a bubble that will always come back down and can be popped at any moment by any number of things; none of which you can prevent or see coming most times. "Life happens" and i feel that true happiness can never be reached so long as we view it as just the peaks and not the valies too.

Everything is temporary...
        but with an ending, there is a new beginning. If I am a person that truly believes that, i will be able to find joy in that moment of ending; because i know it's an opportunity for a new moment of life. One part should not be better than the other.

In the end we are who we are. No matter who we try to be or wish we were. I am left with me, I always am. Love alone isn’t enough some times.

Things change. People come and go. They change us, but in the end, I am who i originally was. My passions and desires can be suppressed or exploited, but they will always be there; the same.

We all try and force life to much sometimes. We hold on tight when life is good, or we find something we love- a job, house, friend. We spend money we don't have on things that make us excited and fight to make payments in order to keep them. An expensive illusion of happiness.

We plead with a man or woman to be what we want them to be so we can keep them in our illusion of a love life. When they may not be what we want at all! In pretending there is nothing wrong, fighting to hold on to what is already lost, or trying to change what is already apart of a person, we drag out the natural movement of life.

   This life is not what so many of us think it is. It is beautiful, but was already in place when we arrived. We can not change it. We will only begin to understand if we really want to see.
if something is real, it is at its core. The rock bottom. If you keep digging, whatever you find at the bottom is its true existence.

Life simply dusts us off. Sometimes takes chunks at a time away from this outside view of ourselves we have. Underneath the surface, that is who we are.
When the dust settles... are we honest? Selfless? Do we walk through this life and treat people like the lasting souls they are? With respect? Do we love?

are we happy?

I hope we are.
I've met some of the most fulfilled people on the road. The ones that have nothing. They enjoy a good meal and dry place to stay, finer things, sure. But at the core of there being, they are smiling in the rain, making music with their voices, loving whoever is in front of them.
I enjoy the ups and downs of my life. I have become rich in stories and freedom by knowing what really is.

I have so much more to learn.

Beautifuly Unfortunate

Warm sun keeps me hopful...
Got a house, yard, bus, and two dogs i now live with here in savannah Ga. I've been taking a lot of bus rides and trips here and there to keep myself busy, working as much as i can to pay for the rent i now have but; a home is nice. Room, fridge, friends of mine come by throughout the day to say hello because my phone's turned off. I wouldn't have it any other way. 

I'm writing a lot right now for some reason over the past few weeks. I'm' happy today. I miss someone as i went through a lot of old junk trying to make sense of the mess as i transport my things out of the bus into the home i'll be staying in for a while.

 I ran into some traveling friends of mine at the bar last night that braught back some memories... i met them in NY a few months ago and here they were! lol it was fun.

I remember what a friend of mine used to say about me years ago... he used to call me "Beautifuly Unfortunate". I am that. I feel "unfortunate" today, for a lot of reasons, but i think it was just grace giving me what i needed. I've found i'm happier the less i own. The more i have to foccuss on life as it is and not as it should be.

Life is good.

Randolph Bourne - an artist of life

This little sparrowlike man,


tiny twisted bit of flesh in a black cape,

always in pain and ailing,

put a pebble in his sling

and hit Goliath square in the forehead with it.


War, he wrote, is the health of the state.

Half musician, half educational theorist (weak health and being poor and twisted in body and on bad terms with his people hadn't spoiled the world for Randolph Bourne; he was a happy man, loved die Meistersinger and playing Bach with his long hands that stretched so easily over the keys, pretty girls, good food and evenings of talk. When he was dying of pneumonia a friend brought him an eggnog; "Look at the yellow, it’s beautiful," he kept saying as his life ebbed into delirium and fever. He was a happy man.) . . .

I believe this man was an artist at more than just his music his prose or mindful thieory.

Being an artist is about being able to embrace a moment for nothing more than what it is... then... at that seccond. Being able to take it in without expectation of the next moment... that is the future. And choosing what outlook you want to express in the moment. . .

  "Look at the Yellow, it's beautiful"... adoring something of simple beauty. 

I think the closer i can get away from the drones of the future, the happier i am. In this moment... at a coffee shop, smiling faces, blueberry cheese cake, hasil-nut coffee, music in the background... typing... you. Whoever may read this. This moment is perfect. I am content.
   I have to work in a few hours, dealing with whatever that intales...
   I just finished playing music in the park with a fiddling friend of mine...
but now is nice. Holding a ciggarette in my hand, watching it burn, breathing in... out... watching the smoke. "Look at it's floating rings, it's beautiful".

Being able to embrace a moment... and that only.

Taking even the negitave moments and allowing them to bee all that they are.
It's cold, raining, hungry, hopeful, but lonely... feeling pain left by dreams gone ariah. I don't want to cover this moment...

alone in my warm bed at night, missing love lost... i could call a friend, but that is not this moment. Taking time to be where i am... allowing wisdome to grow out of every seccond life gives. Taking in the richness of joy and pain.

  This is art. This is beauty.

This is love. Exceptance of an entity. Weather life, or a moment. Self, or another. Excceptance, and embracement of that which is infront of me.

  Enjoy life.

so i just had to turn off this movie called "Devil". I think i'm officially scared of elevators now! God. I can't watch things like that. had to leave the room. wow i'm shook up! i hate that things like a movie could bother me so much, but i guess it's because i really do believe in that shit. Anyway,

The picture on the top of this site is a great story. I was gonna tell you all about it, but im freaked out and need a cigarette. I'll tell you in the morning.